WHY WOMEN DO NOT SUBMIT

To clear the air, this is not an extended chapter of Chimamanda’s book ‘We Should All Be Feminist’ nor is it a campaign towards that same goal. This is a recap of bringing to life what has been buried by our society. Yes I agree we are in the 21st century and that the rate of divorce and dislike of the marriage institution is increasing by day. We have forgotten the roots of the problem and have begun to focus more on the dos and don’ts. The very nature of the advises we give people in the counseling and marital classes has left us in want. We have developed an SI Unit and define every marriage according to the norm. How it should be right in the eyes of the society and we end up getting the whole thing wrong.
Why have we forgotten the book of life? The book that ordained this institution! You cannot give what you don’t have. The knowledge of how to live in the institution is in the book of life, the bible. Before saying any word to that sister or brother whose marriage is on the rocks, first look at what the author says. In the book of Ephesians 5:22-33 it’s written, husbands love your wives and wives submit to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. That’s it! It’s not about how much you earn, how you: dress, talk or a perfect body shape. This is God’s command to us. It’s not a food for thought and there is no other secret to a happy marriage. The man’s role is to love and that of the woman is to submit. We got to know that God hates divorce! This is the SI Unit.
The love and submissiveness of a man and a woman respectively is a cycle. One leads to another and none cannot stand alone. If you sow love you will reap submission and love too. On the contrary you cannot sow hate and expect some miracle or magical happenings of love. So men, grow up how about you lead her with grace instead of trying to control her. If you love her unconditionally just as Christ loved the church she will submit. I know I have never been married but I don’t to be to know what God expects from us. If you love with the love of Christ it’s a guarantee she will submit.
We however have lost the way. You will hear women say “well I’m not submitting to anybody’ and their counter parts will say “ women don’t submit anymore’ this has lead to a disconnect in the institution. We compete to be superior to one another and have forgotten our role as the head and the neck. Marriage is not a survival for the fittest contest. It is an institution ordained by God and there are rules to it. Allow him to LEAD AND TRUST his directions.
But leading does not mean being a control freak. It means setting an example. Treat others as you would want them to treat you. We also have to move and adopt we the evolving world. The modern woman is not only raised to get married and bear children. She is raised to be independent, have a mind of her own, dynamic and have an equal standing in the corporate and competitive world. I can say this to the roof tops! We are as busy as men trying to make ends meet but we still haven’t forgotten that we need to be wives and mothers once we enter that door. But we can forget if he diggers it. If he is not loving and understanding we will forget. We will start to fight for an equal right basis in terms of who will do the dishes, wash cloths and pick the kids.
Therefore men have to EARN SUBNISSION. She will not try that submission thing probably with a boy posing as a man who manifests himself as an unreliable, irresponsible and unfaithful person. I know that sounded harsh but that’s the truth. If you got out drink yourself silly, soak your cloths, never pay rent and come home at the wee hours of the morning and probably give her a beating. Do you honestly deserve that respect? I am sorry she is human. We should not hide under the umbrella of Christianity until we forget that we are both humans. God does not expect that from us. He says there is time for everything and He doesn’t like hypocrisy.
If you say women are not submitting yet they wear a ragtag Christians, have you sat to think of the reason? Where you gone wrong? I will tell you, it’s ‘cause you are not showing her love full stop. Below is a check list for you to earn submission;
a) LOVE HER. This entails unconditional love highlighted in 1st Corinthians 13:5. Love her as Christ loved the church and gave up himself for her. Love her as yourself. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one hated their own body. Can you hate or hurt yourself?
b) DEPENDABILITY. Are you always there when she needs you? She needs a friend, a husband and a father to her children. Are you that to her? You can’t be there SOMETIMES; you have to be there ALWAYS. You need to be there physically and emotionally. She needs to have an assurance that you are her number one cheer leader.
c) PROVIDER. I respect all those men who do all they can to retain their position as the provider. It doesn’t matter if she earns more that you. Just get out of that bed and bring home some milk or sugar. You will be respected in the society and in your house.
d) HUMILITY. You must be humble enough to know the limits of your ability. Your humility will let her know that you won’t take her down a path of destruction because you know when to say, “baby I need help”.
Finally, you married her because you loved her. And she agreed to marry you ‘cause in your eyes she saw someone who loved her. Your wish is to see your children and grand children and to grow old together still with the same same spark you had when you first saw her. This is what God wishes for us and that’s why we should live in accordance to His word. He means the best for us, a prosperity in life. Go and be the person he/she fell in love with.

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3 comments on “WHY WOMEN DO NOT SUBMIT

  1. I have also been wondering why this institution, that I also have not entered yet, is facing lots and lots of challenges! I came to one conclusion; it is because they are not build on solid specific values, they are mixed up! There are 3 ways a marriage can have some order if the values in those three ways are observed, 1) CUSTOMS- our grandparents marriages were build on this and they worked! It would also work for you if you sort what really culture and customs dictates and follow strictly without blending. Sometimes I see couples go for ruracio and the parties don’t even know anything to do with the values, duties and practice under the culture! When the go to the house they mix western culture and african which causes chaos! 2) RELIGION- if I do your wedding under any religious practice kindly follow it, islam is polygamous you as a christian why don’t you be monogamous? Research on what the Quaran or Bible dictates about marriage and let that be the foundation of your marriage! That is the foundation of most of our parents now and its working well for them! But you cannot be cold and hot, if u marry in church make sure u know the values etc 3) THE LAW- enforcement and foundations of marriages here is very shaky but you could opt to be guided by the marriage act, penal code,Constitution especially Art 45(3), matrimonial properties Act etc where prenuptual agreements are now allowed in kenya! In conclusion choose your foundation and a partner that shares and believe in the values in that foundation!

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  2. Pingback: LADIES PAYING BILLS IN PUBLIC IS NOT EMASCULATING HIM | CIVILIZATION BATTLE…

  3. Pingback: Civilization Battle | Ladies, Paying bills is not emasculating him!

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