Not long ago I attended a bridal shower and it was amazing especially the advice from women with silver hair. I mean these ladies have lived long enough and every word that comes from them is pure wisdom. This made me realise that fairly tale is just it, fairy tale but there is a reality that we all tend to ignore. There message was simple, it’s good to have a fantasy of what you want but we do not live in a fantasy world but in a real world and here things are so different.

In their basket they had a sieve, cooking stick, bloom, a number of spices and salt. At first I thought because the bride was starting a new matrimonial home,  they were probably trying to take her through some basic cooking or kitchen lessons. But wait, at her age really? That would be inappropriate and diminishing. Were they assuming that she doesn’t know how to prepare meals?

We had a lot of games to play for the bridal shower but they were all directed to the bride. I want to feel challenged and pick as much wisdom as I could. But with the number of games I was getting bored.

After the games, there were a number of activities and the moment I was waiting for thereafter . What were all those kitchen stuffs for? I kept thinking… Within no time they started demonstrating and elaborating.


1. Spices and Salt

One of the ladies picked a number of species. I was familiar with some and some not. She asked each of us the use and effect of each spice she selected. But my favourite spiece (royco) was missing. Her final question was if we would eat food that had all those spieces. We all said no. She asked why? One of the young ladies said because despite the fact that the food had all those spieces it didn’t have salt. The elderly lady agreed with contentment. She elaborate that salt is everything and without it we cannot enjoy our food no matter how spicy it is. She told the bride that in her marriage she was the salt. The husband may bring all sorts of spieces but without salt that marriage is doomed.

2. The broom

The broom is used to sweep away any particles on the floor and some even use it to remove cobwebs on the wall. A broom is an essential tool in the house and there is not house that lacks one. If you don’t sweep your house for a week it would be dusty and dirty. In the same way, a woman is like a broom. It is her responsibility to sweep away any dirt that is brought into the house by visitors or her husband and at the same time sweep away all the dirt that is generated from within the house. If she does not sweep immediately, the dirty may become permanent and when you decise to clean it away you may use a lot of energy or end up ruining the surface.


3. The cooking stick

We all know that a cooking stick is used to stir either stew, porridge and most importantly ugali.  For the stew and porridge one can use a spoon but for ugali you have to use a cooking stick. The cooking stick is used to mix the water and floor into a fine inseparable mixture. A woman in her matrimonial home is like a cooking stick very essential in the kitchen. Her work is to make sure that her and her husband form an inseparable mixture that not amount of outward force can separate them.


3. Sieve

This is the last tool but equally very important. We all know what a sieve is used for. It filters large partials from a liquid. For instance if you cook tea it is certain that you will use a sieve to separate large partials of tea leaves for the tea to be edible. Imagine an instance where you fail to sieve the tea…yuck! In fact fact you cannot miss a sieve in any household. It is a very important part of the kitchen especially when dealing with drinks, from home made juice, tea, milk etc. In a marriage it is the sole duty of a woman not to extract ‘wisdom’ from outside or from someone’s homes and make it fit into her own home. Remember your husband is not the same as your friend’s husband, what your husband likes is not what your friend’s husband likes. Yes you can ask for advice from your girlfriends but you don’t have to use it in its raw form. Know your man first and what his reaction would be if you implement that decision on him or your marriage. Sieve every advice before using it. Sieve your attitude when trying to solve a problem, sieve your words and sieve your reaction.


These are the words I got from the women with silver hairs. They mean good and would love to see thier daughters and sons living happy even after the vows. It wouldn’t be easy they promised but a wise woman will stand strong and build her home. All the building materials are in your custody. With every additional brick your house may be stable or fall down to pieces. Be careful. God has bestored in you wisdom use it and he says if anyone lacks wisdom let him ask.

There are more additional notes from my ealier blog, Divorce is not an Option


Let’s be civilised in the way we handle our homes. God bless you!







  2. Pingback: Civilization Battle | Ape the works of a broom, salt and a cooking stick to save your marriage

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