DADDY:Before the street lights are on

images_41While packing my bag to leave the office for the day, I heard him say to a colleague, “do I have to go home now, there is traffic and I might get to spend two hours on the road”. He replied, “then let’s get two for the road and by the time we leave, the road will be clear”. I looked at my watch and it was 4:30pm. That was too early, there might be no traffic but even though it might have started building up, by the lapse of two hours he will home before the street lights are on.
Before the street lights are on;
He would have passed by a florist shop and bought her a rose,
images_45He would have helped her in the kitchen,
He would have help them with their homework,
He would have had a conversation with her,images_43
He would have asked her how her day was,
He would have noticed that she looks stressed,
He would have noticed that she has lost weight,
He would have known what was stressing her,
He would have time to correct his children when they start shouting at her and misbehaving,
He would have time to prepare and plan for the family’s expense,
He would have time to plan for a family vacation,
He would have time to tell her how beautiful she was especially during her worst moments,
He would have time to prepare a candle lite dinner with her or taken her out for a romantic dinner,
He would have time for a round table dinner with her and the kids,
images_40He would have ‘daddy in the kitchen’ moments for them,
He would have time to plan a surprise for her,
He would have time to notice the garage door needs to be fixed,
He would have time to notice that the garden needs trimming,
He would have time to play with his children as mama prepares dinner,
He would have time to notice that one of the children has a skin condition and the other had a protein allergy,
He would notice that the youngest has now learnt to speak and her first word was ‘daddy’ because he is always around,
He would notice that the youngest of six months old recognizes his face and presence,
images_44He would have noticed that one of the kids had dyslexia and requires special care and attention because he was helping him with his homework,
He would have noticed that all he ever needed after a hard day’s work was his family,images_42
He would have realized that family is more important.

Merry Christmas! It’s family time!

THE OVER USED ‘I’ WORD IN A MAN IS A TURN OFF 

images_30It was only initially written and filled up in the atmosphere. Now it has taken roots and some have already been established as part of masculinity. I don’t mean to be ignorant of what tend to distinguish a man by action and those who take the name by action.

I will start by agreeing that men with ego tend to be eye catching than those who don’t. However, what is the true definition of ego? Some say ego is the part of the mind that tends to act as a mediator between the force and drives. Ego is an ‘I’ word becoming more frequent in a sentence that there is never a ‘we’ in a paragraph or to the worse an essay.

The laws of grammar fail and are never a party to the story.

It’s true we women love men with ego. But that was then. Don’t get it twisted, am not saying I love ego free men either. Too much of something is poison. That’s nature. I’m talking of those sophisticated ego centered persons. The huge misplaced ego is a turn off. After the ego has perished, the true self rises from its dust like desert flowers after spring showers have swept across arid plains.

When ego is so engraved that we forget our true self, what remains is a human body having a machine heart and mind. Ego causes people not to be impartial since they don’t want to look weak. That is it, that’s the truth.  It is also equally true, that there is no way that enlightenment can be programmed and scheduled. It comes to every individual at a different time and stage in a different way.

I’ll tell you a real life story, You go out with a guy and from the pulling of your chair to the helping you put on your jacket and to the telling you goodnight all you could get out of the conversation is his life story you never asked for. He will talk about his achievements from when he used to top up his kindergarten class to his now well-paying job. He never gets to know how your day was and couldn’t notice that you have a bandage on your left arm.

The next date day you are thinking may be things will be different. You are very optimistic and would want to talk about your emotions and probably tell him that you are ailing, that you have leukemia and that if you will ever consider settling down he should know. The well-dressed you in royal purple dress can’t wait to see the prince. He picks you at your place opens the car door for you and closes it. You are thinking he is a gentleman. On reaching the designated date location, he jumps up and tells you that he has been made partner in this multinational organization. You quickly interject and tell him you had missed him. He responds with a smile (apparently to him expressing emotions is not manly and portrays a man as a weakling).

You quickly ignore the disappointment and ask him how his day was. He sips coffee and swallows it for five minutes and responds by saying, ‘I just told you I’ve been made partner”. To avoid the long face, you smile and say congratulations. He is excited and says we should celebrate. At no one point has he asked you how your day was. You assume that that is just him. You are thinking before the celebrating part, may be things have to be set on the table.

He proposes that you go met his friends who have prepared something for him as a congratulatory party. You agreed sideways. Something is burning inside of you and its getting to your throat. He looks at you and asks, “honey aren’t you happy for me?, you look disinterested and disappointed.” Without inquiring further why you have a sad face, he raises from the seat and ready to leave.

You stop him and requests that he sits down. Without giving him a chance to stay concluding, you say you have cancer. His face becomes long and says he is disappointed. You repeat, “I have cancer.” He stares blankly without saying a word. You ask, “are you not going to say anything or ask which type of cancer?”  He raises his voice and says you have ruined his evening. He continues that you should have waited until tomorrow.

Tears can’t stop running. He tells you he has no time for ailing people and walks out leaving you on the table. That becomes the end of your ever talking or seeing him.

Let’s be clear, we are wired differently. In terms of personality and character. There is no SI Unit that is set for the human race. Different for men and women. It’s all in the mind. Some are in build and others are derived from the environment, the people we interact with and the like. You know you can choose to abide or not.

The society is so hard on the boy child that it’s trying to shape him to be an immortal soul and shielding out the true human spirit. They are fooled into believing that they having a spiritual experience. The truth is we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

Let’s approach the real issue. With that well-paying job, a guzzler, and a manshonett, you will feel like you are floating on hot air. No one can speak as they wish to you, even your peers. You are the number one household provider.  You mind never treat them badly out rightly but you are no way better. You might feel like you are a magnet that can attract anything you wish. But little will it don on you that those ladies, opportunities like-minded ‘friends’, you attract will not last. Its only an attraction not a permanent fixture. They will fall anytime.

LET’S BE HONEST AND CONFESS…there is more than you

YOURSAY: I WILL GET MARRIED TO A MAN WHO READS

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I lifted this from somewhere and am sure it will be worth your time.

A man who reads, I would like to believe,

knows how to put every resource he has

into good use, and with every page he turns,

I will see a promising future.

A man who reads, I would like to

believe, knows how to put every

resource he has into good use, and

with every page he turns, I will see a

promising future.

IN SUMMARY

Such a man finds it more

useful to read, rather than

aimlessly bob his head to

blaring, meaningless music.

He chooses not to spend the

half hour from town to his

destination analysing every

girl who walks into the

matatu.

He does not blindly stare out

of the window at scenery he

has seen a million times

before, and will probably see

again, on his way back home.

Growing up, like many young girls

in their teens and early twenties, my

definition of the ideal man was one

who was tall, dark and handsome.

I spent considerable time in search

of one with these perfect

combinations, but with time, I

discovered those three adjectives are

not an automatic key to marital

bliss. Since then, my list of the kind

of qualities a man who is husband

material should have, has been

changing.

I have decided I will marry a man

who reads. And not just one who

reads, but one who reads in a

matatu. I am sure this man will have

a string of virtues attached to this

single act. To begin with, it will be

easy to see his honesty, wit and

charm without much effort.

Such a man finds it more useful to

read, rather than aimlessly bob his

head to blaring, meaningless music.

He chooses not to spend the half

hour from town to his destination

analysing every girl who walks into

the matatu. He does not blindly

stare out of the window at scenery

he has seen a million times before,

and will probably see again, on his

way back home.

He instead travels with a book in

hand and promptly opens it once he

is seated. He shuts out the annoying

deafening noise from rusty speakers

with the words from a rusty old

book.

WILL NOT LAMENT IN TRAFFIC

He will not lament about the endless

hours wasted in traffic, like other

men who haven’t discovered the

beauty of reading, because he will

have spent that time constructively

gaining knowledge and being

entertained. Perhaps he will not be

reading Pride and Prejudice or Little

Women, but is it too much to ask to

meet a man who has at least read

the Lord of the Rings, before

watching the movie?

I will not mind that he has no car of

his own. I will instead focus on the

potential that will be oozing out of

his sharp mind. In time, I see myself

acquiring wealth with this man,

from the little that we will have at

the beginning. You see, if he can use

his commute to work to feed his

mind and imagine an abundant

future, I can bet that he spends the

rest of his time well. It will be

obvious that he has a job that makes

ends meet, a job that he takes

seriously.

A man who reads, I would like to

believe, knows how to put every

resource he has into good use, and

with every page he turns, I will see a

promising future.

He will also be a man who will

understand my tendency to almost

die with excitement every time I

walk into a bookstore. This man will

know better to buy me a book on my

birthday, on Valentines Day, and on

any anniversary we will have

together.

When we become wealthy, I will not

need to tell him that I prefer a walk-

in library, rather than a walk-in

closet for my shoes and bags.

I also have a feeling that he will be

handsome. I cannot imagine an ugly

man who reads. He will have a hint

of a smile lost in the story, or wear a

seriously attractive demeanour if

what he is reading is serious stuff.

The very sight of his nose buried in

a book will be the ultimate turn on

for me, and I will know that I have

found my prince charming. I tell

you, a man who reads is a heavenly

sight to behold!

I am one of those people who always

have a book in the bag, and I am

always on the lookout for a chance

to get it out and get lost in it. How I

wish to find a man who shares my

passion.

DON’T LET IT GET TO YOUR HEAD, IT’S NOT YOUR HOUSE

images_17I read a story of a man let’s call him John who spent a night under the bridge after an unsympathetic landlord evicted him from an apartment he has been living in.

John had not paid rent for months and the landlord threatened to auction his belongings. Mercifully, relatives chipped in saving him from the auctioneer’s hammer. Looking back, he now thinks the situation would have been avoided had he chosen to live within his means.images_15

To match his monthly income, he had a change of lifestyle. Rented an expensive apartment, drove a good car and could shop anything he pleases. He was employed in a factory, got all the respect he wanted from his peers and relatives. I mean life is good! He could sleep well, eat good food and wore good cloths.

John is a reflection of many young and some old people today. All we do as young people especially is investing in the toilet and peer pressure. By investing in the toilet I mean, eating expensive foods. Eating is not bad but going to Villa Rosa and the family is outrageous especially if your salary is below six figures or you are living in a rental house. After Villa Rosa, you will invest in that toilet that doesn’t even belong to you.

I am not being a miser but this is what is happening. You take a loan to buy an expensive car which am sure is not a basic need. After paying off the seller, you have to see an insurance company, then the petrol station and often the city askaris for parking fees and lastly a mechanic for servicing. From the above, you haven’t paid house rent, forgotten, that is not your house! There are electricity, water and now Tv subscription to pay. In all this you haven’t eaten nor dressed up. At the end of it all what is there to save? You still have to service your loan. And I almost forgot, you need to go for vacations outside the country!

In that job you are an EMPLOYEE. If you are in the government at least after six months or so, you will be permanent and pensionable. For the employee in someone else’s business, making money for them, you can lose your job at any time. But you might think of suing your boss for summary dismissal but where will you get the money to hire that advocate and worse still who will employ you thereafter (one who will sue you)?

After the job is gone, nightmares knock. The landlord is in business and at the end of the day your relationship with him/her is money. Since there is no money for you to give, the red devil will show up and cover his/her beautiful simile (the smile appears when she/he receives your money). Where are your friends you’ve been trying to live up to their standard? That car, where will you park it? The city askaris will not let you park without a fee. So where are you gonna park? That leather set of chairs, a 22 inch Tv, a mega Samsung fridge, that ksh. 150,000 king size bed, that bar and the rest, where are you gonna put them? The expensive (tasteless) food is invested in the toilet which belongs to the landlord and you won’t claim your position of the investment.

Before you get another job, what’s your fate? Under the bridge or your parent’s house? Where?

Don’t get it twisted, am not saying you shouldn’t live a comfortable life. All I’m saying is live within your means and aim at having a house of your own. I know with that first job you cannot buy a house or build one, but how about cutting your liabilities and instead save. You don’t have to save ksh. 10,000 and above. The little you can itaziba ufa someday. Be wise.

Don’t hugely invest on the landlord’s bank account and toilet. CHOICES HAVE CONSEQUENCES. DON’T LET IT GET TO YOUR HEAD.

GOD BLESS!

LETTER TO MY MR.

imagesimagesI have been staring at a blank page for two days now, trying to think what to put down on paper. But I now got an inspiration- from a good friend. Marriage is not a shot in the dark or a matter to the whim and caprice of fact. It is an institution that the visualized way before meeting the compatible rib. This may not make sense because I don’t know you yet but I am sure when I met you it sure will. We may have met by now but we don’t know our ending. Sometimes I think you are taking too long to introduce yourself. But then again, I know God is preparing me and you before we bump into each other on the streets or when I open that door and It hits you on the for head or cause your phone or files to fall and break. And I know when you bend to pick them up we will see each other eye to eye. I know you will know me and I will know you but probably you will be dumbfound or I may be and its okey. Oh, It may sound as though it’s a fairytale but I am convinced beyond reasonable doubt that my dreams are valid. I know as I wait you are in a journey with God. And when you get impatient don’t give up on me. Just know that God is refining me to be that Proverb 31 woman you asked for.
However, if we have met already by now you know I may be stubborn and a little too awesome. That’s ..me. Often I don’t take no for an answer and have other faults that I don’t wanna mention here. I also know that you have your faults too. That’s human. Forgive me if I fail. Be patient with my faults. I don’t want a perfect man with a six pack or one like the guy in the Fresh Fry or Nivea advert but one we complement each other. One when I am at my worse he still brings out the best part of me. One who will love me for who me. I know God will give me the grace when He introduces you to me. I will wait for you more than the watchmen wait for the morning. And when we finally met…..
When we met, I want to love you with the love of God. I want my heart to be so lost in His love that when our hearts meet they are one in Him. I know you are so lost in Him and the only reason you will open your eyes, its ‘cause He has told you I am there by your side. Your happiness and that of our children will be my priority. I am flesh of your flesh, borne of your borne and when we met we shall be interlocked into indivisible atom. We will speak the same language, have the same vision, mission and goal. When we come together we will be one; one heart, one body and one mind.
I can see every reflection of this letter. This is not a wish, it’s a reality that will come true with time. I see you in a monkey suit waiting for me down the aisle. With a smile I have never seen before. My heart is not beating fast and my nerves are calm. I am convinced that this is right ‘cause of the peace I feel. Your smile attracts me more and I feel like telling the pastor to skip to the end. My folks trust you and my friends have no doubt about your intention. I know this is right ‘cause I spoke to Him this morning and He assured me it is. I feel like singing it is well with my soul but I know the choir will. I already see our children playing outside our house with mud all over there cloths. You join them and play one or two as I get busy in the kitchen. I see them grow and when she introduces her Mr. right, your heart sinks. You can’t imagine that she will be in another man’s hands.
I understand your plight. That’s what my daddy felt when he gave me to you. But it’s gonna be okey. I know our daughter and I have prayed for her. And when our son brings that lady home, I can tell that you are at peace. You are proud of him as he is doing what you’ve taught him. And moreso, that our family will increase. Even with our grey hair the spark is still the same. We took back and say this far it’s the Lord. I know marriage is not an easy sail but with God at the center of it all WE ARE GONNA MAKE IT!
Unfortunately my mind is not set now to meet you. My present mind is not according to His will. I have a lot of things to deal with. I have things am getting rid of. Please mention this to Him when you talk tonight. I talk to Him daily that He blesses you and keeps you away from harm. I often ask him to whisper your name or something that will give me a hit that, that’s you. But I guess His timing is always the best. And I no longer worry about the time, or that relatives will start asking, “mbona hujatuletea mtu (why haven’t you introduce him yet?).” I know I am not the author of time and I cannot argue with Him. He stopped time in the days of Joshua and He still can do that today.
Finally, my desire and prayer is that I will love you, support you archive your dreams, often tell you ‘baby its gonna be okey’, multiply what you’ve given me, be a good mother to our two kids (hoping you will agree to two), and more importantly a good wife and friend. I will meet you as God has in His plan. I know He has and will always have us in mind. Please don’t give yourself to someone else. When we met I will tell you how I have fallen in the hands of other thinking that’s you, how I have been thinking of you, how I have been writing letters to your son and daughter and why I wrote this letter to you. CAN’T WAIT TO MEET YOU! UNTIL THEN…
Your, Future wife

FIRST LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER

To my little girl,
Dear one, there are things that I want to share with you today – my experiences and thoughts. Read them whenever you feel low and I am sure that you will be able to find new hope through them.
To begin with, I want you to be whatever your heart wishes you to be. Don’t imitate anyone else; remain true to your own self. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not to satisfy other people’s expectations. The world forces us to don masks. Sadly, overtime we begin mistaking these artificial masks for the faces we had hidden in the past. Don’t let this happen to you!
Always remember that no one owes you anything. If someone loves you, it is because there is something special in you that touched their hearts and brought them immense joy. As you grow older still, persistently try to find in you that special something and through recognizing and appreciating it, allow it to grow so that more love and friendship come your way.
The world is a beautiful place but often a few things can make it seem harsh. God’s temple is made of love. It is man’s temple that is built of stones. Open your heart to goodness. No matter what happens, don’t let negative people or thoughts take hold of you. The choice between being an optimist or a pessimist will remain right there in front of you. Choose one, choose wisely!
Don’t let the child in you die. As long as you nurture this child within you, you will find happiness and joy in life.
There is a purpose in everything and everyone that comes into your life. Whatever experiences fall your way, strive to find the purpose behind them. Find the space in your heart and mind to learn a new lesson from every purpose. If you find yourself close to failing at what you started out to do, don’t hesitate to ask for help from God. One who realizes that he is ignorant is ignorant no more!
My dearest child, I read somewhere that every man’s life is a fairy tale written by God’s fingers. In Jeremiah 29 He says He has good plans for you. He knew you before you were born, He understands what no man can. Don’t be afraid to take everything to HIM in prayers. There will be times in your life when you will think this is not true; you will feel that your life is too hard to be a fairy tale. At that moment, I want you to remember that fairy tales contain wonder and beauty but also a few bad things. Each one contains a jinn, a witch, a cruel queen or king, a monster, a giant, some sort of unpleasantness. The trick is to conquer this evil slowly. But before conquering those external forces, conquer the jinns and monsters hiding in your own heart. Get a grip on the devil inside!
Be bold, be brave and believe in the power of your dreams – the dreams that shine in your lovely eyes like stars will illuminate your way.
ABOVE ALL, know and fear God. Seek first His righteousness and EVERYTHING else shall be added to you. Read Proverbs they will make you wise and guide you. And moreso Chapter 31.
It is true that with every passing day, I will grow older and weaker. A day may come when I will become forgetful. But even then, you with your bright smile, will light up my heart.

Your loving Mother.

WHY WOMEN DO NOT SUBMIT

To clear the air, this is not an extended chapter of Chimamanda’s book ‘We Should All Be Feminist’ nor is it a campaign towards that same goal. This is a recap of bringing to life what has been buried by our society. Yes I agree we are in the 21st century and that the rate of divorce and dislike of the marriage institution is increasing by day. We have forgotten the roots of the problem and have begun to focus more on the dos and don’ts. The very nature of the advises we give people in the counseling and marital classes has left us in want. We have developed an SI Unit and define every marriage according to the norm. How it should be right in the eyes of the society and we end up getting the whole thing wrong.
Why have we forgotten the book of life? The book that ordained this institution! You cannot give what you don’t have. The knowledge of how to live in the institution is in the book of life, the bible. Before saying any word to that sister or brother whose marriage is on the rocks, first look at what the author says. In the book of Ephesians 5:22-33 it’s written, husbands love your wives and wives submit to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. That’s it! It’s not about how much you earn, how you: dress, talk or a perfect body shape. This is God’s command to us. It’s not a food for thought and there is no other secret to a happy marriage. The man’s role is to love and that of the woman is to submit. We got to know that God hates divorce! This is the SI Unit.
The love and submissiveness of a man and a woman respectively is a cycle. One leads to another and none cannot stand alone. If you sow love you will reap submission and love too. On the contrary you cannot sow hate and expect some miracle or magical happenings of love. So men, grow up how about you lead her with grace instead of trying to control her. If you love her unconditionally just as Christ loved the church she will submit. I know I have never been married but I don’t to be to know what God expects from us. If you love with the love of Christ it’s a guarantee she will submit.
We however have lost the way. You will hear women say “well I’m not submitting to anybody’ and their counter parts will say “ women don’t submit anymore’ this has lead to a disconnect in the institution. We compete to be superior to one another and have forgotten our role as the head and the neck. Marriage is not a survival for the fittest contest. It is an institution ordained by God and there are rules to it. Allow him to LEAD AND TRUST his directions.
But leading does not mean being a control freak. It means setting an example. Treat others as you would want them to treat you. We also have to move and adopt we the evolving world. The modern woman is not only raised to get married and bear children. She is raised to be independent, have a mind of her own, dynamic and have an equal standing in the corporate and competitive world. I can say this to the roof tops! We are as busy as men trying to make ends meet but we still haven’t forgotten that we need to be wives and mothers once we enter that door. But we can forget if he diggers it. If he is not loving and understanding we will forget. We will start to fight for an equal right basis in terms of who will do the dishes, wash cloths and pick the kids.
Therefore men have to EARN SUBNISSION. She will not try that submission thing probably with a boy posing as a man who manifests himself as an unreliable, irresponsible and unfaithful person. I know that sounded harsh but that’s the truth. If you got out drink yourself silly, soak your cloths, never pay rent and come home at the wee hours of the morning and probably give her a beating. Do you honestly deserve that respect? I am sorry she is human. We should not hide under the umbrella of Christianity until we forget that we are both humans. God does not expect that from us. He says there is time for everything and He doesn’t like hypocrisy.
If you say women are not submitting yet they wear a ragtag Christians, have you sat to think of the reason? Where you gone wrong? I will tell you, it’s ‘cause you are not showing her love full stop. Below is a check list for you to earn submission;
a) LOVE HER. This entails unconditional love highlighted in 1st Corinthians 13:5. Love her as Christ loved the church and gave up himself for her. Love her as yourself. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one hated their own body. Can you hate or hurt yourself?
b) DEPENDABILITY. Are you always there when she needs you? She needs a friend, a husband and a father to her children. Are you that to her? You can’t be there SOMETIMES; you have to be there ALWAYS. You need to be there physically and emotionally. She needs to have an assurance that you are her number one cheer leader.
c) PROVIDER. I respect all those men who do all they can to retain their position as the provider. It doesn’t matter if she earns more that you. Just get out of that bed and bring home some milk or sugar. You will be respected in the society and in your house.
d) HUMILITY. You must be humble enough to know the limits of your ability. Your humility will let her know that you won’t take her down a path of destruction because you know when to say, “baby I need help”.
Finally, you married her because you loved her. And she agreed to marry you ‘cause in your eyes she saw someone who loved her. Your wish is to see your children and grand children and to grow old together still with the same same spark you had when you first saw her. This is what God wishes for us and that’s why we should live in accordance to His word. He means the best for us, a prosperity in life. Go and be the person he/she fell in love with.