THE PROPOSAL

 

He is never good at surprises or maybe it’s always the wrong timing. I have told him once and again that he will end up surprising himself. But I think we are always in a battle or rather he is always in a battle of trying to prove me wrong. Everytime I proved him wrong I made a victory dance which he hates. The victory dance must always be accompanied with a wink and a sarcastic smile. One the other hand I love every bit of it.

We talked about everything and I had no double that I am totally sold out. But this time I really didn’t care. That’s what I had always wanted. In fact it’s more than an answered prayer. I am assured and totally convinced that that was it, it was right. I felt the goose bumps and butterflies. I was not anxious but happy. The peace within was overwhelming.

On that day he came up with an insane idea of hiking. I really hate crawling animals and he knew that. To make it sound hard, he refused to disclose the hiking location. It was actually a bet that the loser will write a 32 pages (A5) love note for the other with no repetition in a week’s time. I loved writing and losing won’t be a punishment for me. But since I hate losing, I agreed. He is a number’s guy and writing can be taskingnfor him (though he suggested the punishment).We were to hike on a weekend and he had told me of it on a Monday. That day after work, I walked into a sports shop to buy a pair of sport shoes (my legs had suddenly grown bigger and the one in the closet didn’t fit). I found real cute pink and lime green sport shoes.

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The following day I tried to do some exercise, which I did, but the following morning my muscles were hurting. I did these excises for four days. One the d-day, which was a Saturday, he came by my house to pick me up. The well dressed and exited me freaked him out. I have this saying, when you are most afraid, fake courage no one can tell the difference. The truth was, I was really scared. First, I was not sure if I should just admit loss or I should just proceed. Second, the last time I went hiking my muscles hurt for two weeks and worse still a twisted ankle. Finally, I had a wedding to attend the following day and dancing is what makes the attendance memorable.

We were now on our way but stopped by a supermarket for some snacks and water. He also bought some painkillers and Elastoplast for the first aid kit.

The hiking was to take place some 100 kilometers from where we were. The place was really cold with forests everywhere (name withheld) but favorable conditions for hiking. Starting time was 8:30 am and finishing time was 3:00pm. To cut the long story short. I won the bet. He didn’t know that I was familiar with the place. At about 1:00 pm he was exhausted, sweaty and couldn’t move an inch. On the other side I saw feeling great. He conceded.images_61

In the car, I stared at him to get his attention. He diverted his focus from the road to me and there I winked, tuned on the Radio for some music, raised my hands for the dance. The guy was really furious and had all this crazy idea that I might have taken something to boost my energy. I looked at him and smiled then told him that I had hiked there on several occasions before. Since he had refused to disclose the location, he surprised himself as usual.

Two weeks after, we met so that he could hand over the book. On this day everything was perfect, he called earlier than usual to confirm that we will be meeting and that he will be picking me up. That was odd. He is the kind of person who calls an hour to the meeting to confirm attendance. An hour to the meeting I called him but his phone was off. I tried his office extension and someone picked who informed me that he had stepped out about 30 minutes ago.

Everything was now going south. I called his phone again after an hour but it was still off. I scrolled through my phone book and called a friend of his who told me that he had not seen him. My heart was unsettled. Still in the office 30 minutes after our agreed time, I called again. He picked up excited (this is the point I felt like hanging up). On my side I was mad! I was anxious about him not picking up his call and yet on the other side the guy seemed to have been enjoying himself. First I wanted to know why he had arranged for a meeting yet he was unreachable and 30 minutes late.

I asked him where he was and why he was late. Apparently he was swimming.  That was odd. Why would he be out for swimming on  a Monday at 5:30pm? I was mad not to ask more questions. He quickly said that he had sent someone to pick me up about 20 minutes ago.Before I could respond, a gentleman came to the office to pick me up.

On arrival to the hotel were he was swimming, I was ushered to the table on the balcony by a waiter. The gentleman who had picked me disappeared. I ordered for some water to try and calm my nerves. After 12 minutes he walks in with a short and t-shirt. The guy was just a mess. He hugged me and was breathing heavily. Apparently he was from the gym. Everything was not adding up. Earlier he said, he was swimming now he is from the gym. I thought it should be the other way round (gym then swimming). I asked him what he was up to, the swimming and gym on a Monday. He shouted that he was keeping feet.

After 15 minutes of my one word answers, I asked him to give me the book because it was getting late. He said it was in the car. He left for the book but again took long. I was exhausted after a long day and was not in any mood for drama. I script on one of napkins on the table that I was out and signed. As I was heading down stares on the second floor, he was there with our friends all dressed in white stepping on red rose petals. images_57

I was still mad and decided not to be a party in anything he was up to. I stood stared at them for 1 minute then proceeded to go down (heading towards them). Unfortunately that was the only exit from the hotel. On the last stare case before I could step on the petals, I noticed they had  red burning candles and he was also dressed in white. The scene was beautiful, I smiled. I really didn’t know what happened to me walking past them. Music was playing on the background (God blessed the broken heart and lead me straight to you). A waiter gave him a microphone. He did a mic check and told me about the bet punishment and that he had the book with him. I was very emotional. One of his friends handed other a book to him. It was beautiful. It had a cover of a picture we took a year ago. He opened and read it out word for word. I was very emotional as he read. On finishing the last sentence, he was on one knee.

This time he didn’t surprise himself. He had it all planned. I stared at him for about 3 minutes and winked (we had this tradition that when I wink especially after he has requested for something, it was a no). He stood and started singing the song playing on the background. It was a teaser since he was dramatic that evening. There he was again on one knee. I couldn’t resist and shouted a big yes. The rest is history.images_58

The following day I got an email subject, The Proposal. In the email was an outline of his plan for the proposal including the hiking bet.

It was heartfelt and beautiful.

 

 

 

 

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DADDY:Before the street lights are on

images_41While packing my bag to leave the office for the day, I heard him say to a colleague, “do I have to go home now, there is traffic and I might get to spend two hours on the road”. He replied, “then let’s get two for the road and by the time we leave, the road will be clear”. I looked at my watch and it was 4:30pm. That was too early, there might be no traffic but even though it might have started building up, by the lapse of two hours he will home before the street lights are on.
Before the street lights are on;
He would have passed by a florist shop and bought her a rose,
images_45He would have helped her in the kitchen,
He would have help them with their homework,
He would have had a conversation with her,images_43
He would have asked her how her day was,
He would have noticed that she looks stressed,
He would have noticed that she has lost weight,
He would have known what was stressing her,
He would have time to correct his children when they start shouting at her and misbehaving,
He would have time to prepare and plan for the family’s expense,
He would have time to plan for a family vacation,
He would have time to tell her how beautiful she was especially during her worst moments,
He would have time to prepare a candle lite dinner with her or taken her out for a romantic dinner,
He would have time for a round table dinner with her and the kids,
images_40He would have ‘daddy in the kitchen’ moments for them,
He would have time to plan a surprise for her,
He would have time to notice the garage door needs to be fixed,
He would have time to notice that the garden needs trimming,
He would have time to play with his children as mama prepares dinner,
He would have time to notice that one of the children has a skin condition and the other had a protein allergy,
He would notice that the youngest has now learnt to speak and her first word was ‘daddy’ because he is always around,
He would notice that the youngest of six months old recognizes his face and presence,
images_44He would have noticed that one of the kids had dyslexia and requires special care and attention because he was helping him with his homework,
He would have noticed that all he ever needed after a hard day’s work was his family,images_42
He would have realized that family is more important.

Merry Christmas! It’s family time!

APE THE WORKS OF A BROOM, SALT, SIEVE AND COOKING STICK TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE

 

 

Not long ago I attended a bridal shower and it was amazing especially the advice from women with silver hair. I mean these ladies have lived long enough and every word that comes from them is pure wisdom. This made me realise that fairly tale is just it, fairy tale but there is a reality that we all tend to ignore. There message was simple, it’s good to have a fantasy of what you want but we do not live in a fantasy world but in a real world and here things are so different.

In their basket they had a sieve, cooking stick, bloom, a number of spices and salt. At first I thought because the bride was starting a new matrimonial home,  they were probably trying to take her through some basic cooking or kitchen lessons. But wait, at her age really? That would be inappropriate and diminishing. Were they assuming that she doesn’t know how to prepare meals?

We had a lot of games to play for the bridal shower but they were all directed to the bride. I want to feel challenged and pick as much wisdom as I could. But with the number of games I was getting bored.

After the games, there were a number of activities and the moment I was waiting for thereafter . What were all those kitchen stuffs for? I kept thinking… Within no time they started demonstrating and elaborating.

 

1. Spices and Salt

One of the ladies picked a number of species. I was familiar with some and some not. She asked each of us the use and effect of each spice she selected. But my favourite spiece (royco) was missing. Her final question was if we would eat food that had all those spieces. We all said no. She asked why? One of the young ladies said because despite the fact that the food had all those spieces it didn’t have salt. The elderly lady agreed with contentment. She elaborate that salt is everything and without it we cannot enjoy our food no matter how spicy it is. She told the bride that in her marriage she was the salt. The husband may bring all sorts of spieces but without salt that marriage is doomed.

2. The broom

The broom is used to sweep away any particles on the floor and some even use it to remove cobwebs on the wall. A broom is an essential tool in the house and there is not house that lacks one. If you don’t sweep your house for a week it would be dusty and dirty. In the same way, a woman is like a broom. It is her responsibility to sweep away any dirt that is brought into the house by visitors or her husband and at the same time sweep away all the dirt that is generated from within the house. If she does not sweep immediately, the dirty may become permanent and when you decise to clean it away you may use a lot of energy or end up ruining the surface.

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3. The cooking stick

We all know that a cooking stick is used to stir either stew, porridge and most importantly ugali.  For the stew and porridge one can use a spoon but for ugali you have to use a cooking stick. The cooking stick is used to mix the water and floor into a fine inseparable mixture. A woman in her matrimonial home is like a cooking stick very essential in the kitchen. Her work is to make sure that her and her husband form an inseparable mixture that not amount of outward force can separate them.

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3. Sieve

This is the last tool but equally very important. We all know what a sieve is used for. It filters large partials from a liquid. For instance if you cook tea it is certain that you will use a sieve to separate large partials of tea leaves for the tea to be edible. Imagine an instance where you fail to sieve the tea…yuck! In fact fact you cannot miss a sieve in any household. It is a very important part of the kitchen especially when dealing with drinks, from home made juice, tea, milk etc. In a marriage it is the sole duty of a woman not to extract ‘wisdom’ from outside or from someone’s homes and make it fit into her own home. Remember your husband is not the same as your friend’s husband, what your husband likes is not what your friend’s husband likes. Yes you can ask for advice from your girlfriends but you don’t have to use it in its raw form. Know your man first and what his reaction would be if you implement that decision on him or your marriage. Sieve every advice before using it. Sieve your attitude when trying to solve a problem, sieve your words and sieve your reaction.

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These are the words I got from the women with silver hairs. They mean good and would love to see thier daughters and sons living happy even after the vows. It wouldn’t be easy they promised but a wise woman will stand strong and build her home. All the building materials are in your custody. With every additional brick your house may be stable or fall down to pieces. Be careful. God has bestored in you wisdom use it and he says if anyone lacks wisdom let him ask.

There are more additional notes from my ealier blog, Divorce is not an Option

 

Let’s be civilised in the way we handle our homes. God bless you!

 

 

 

MARRIAGE CAN’T GIVE YOU HAPPINESS, PURPOSE. Marriage is not an escape goat.

images_32Someone once posted that if you have gone to more than 50 weddings of your classmates you should start questioning yourself. As funny as the statement may look, it is true. However, caution is key. There is usually a lot of peer and family pressure especially when you are done with school and working. With all the mixed messages our world offers us

about love and relationships, sometimes it’s hard to imagine marriage accurately from the perspective of a single young adult. Even with all the chaos modeled in modern-day marriages all around us and the national divorce rate consistently hovering at 50 percent (with only50 percent of those who remain married reporting that they are happy in theirmarriage), and spouses killing each other somehow the idea of marriage still gets idolized beyond reasonable expectations.

Let’s be honest and most of the married people will tell you, lower your expectations. He has married you and you are going nowhere. Forget the, he must leave a note beside your pillow with a love message when you woke up, forget the endless dates and the opening of the car door for you, forget that he must kiss you good night everydaay, forget that when you are angry you won’t cook for him, foerget that when he says he wants rice and not ugali that you will throw your hand to the air and walk away and most importantly forget that he is not your boyfriend but your husband and should be treated as such. Forget all that!

Don’t get me wrong. You have to keep the romance alive or you may just be housemate who try to coexist. Keeping and nourishing the love you share will save a great deal. Let the dating period continue. Love is not one sided. And when lobe fails respect dies.

Everyone believes their marriage will be different, looking to Hollywood dreams and

fairy tale romances as their example. Most singles long to be married and have an insatiable desire inside their hearts to meet the significant other they can finally call “the one.” Today the topic of love is such a universal obsession. Over the print, video and audio media the topic is the same : finding love, solving relationship problems, online dating you name them.

God created love and has placed the desire to be loved unconditionally within each of our hearts. Marriage is a natural overflow of that desire.Yet within this sacred and natural pursuit of marriage, it’s easy to fall into the lie that finding a spouse will be the ultimate road to happiness and great satisfaction. That all problems, fears and deficits will fade away in the presence of true love. While this may be true of God’s love, let me remind you it isn’t true in the world of marriage.

There is no doubt marriage is a great blessing and that those who find a good spouse have truly found a great gift. Yes it is a blessing but again I said lower your expectations. Its a bed or roses but remember roses too have thorns and the are very beautiful. The truth is your will be angry not once, twice…but occasionally. You will want to hive up but remember you made a covenant with God first then your spouse when you said I do. And more importantly divorce is not an option. God hates it so should you.

I’m not sure why young singles ever believe that it would. For some reason, the idea of

being loved unconditionally by another human being sounds like it would do the trick in

helping us feel better about ourselves. We fall into the belief that being married and seeing ourselves loved through the eyes of another will really teach us how to love ourselves. Wrong. Being loved and being in love is awesome. You have a choice either to love someone or not and every choice has a consequence. Marriage doesn’t erase your insecurities. Marriage does not solve your problems and marriage is not the way out. Marriage is for companionship. That is it!

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That way of thinking has done more harm than good to many a marriage in our world. No one has the power to deal with our inadequacies and insecurities but us. Putting those types of expectations on a spouse will only cause harm, because there is a 100 percent chance they can’t change how we view ourselves. No matter how much encouragement, affection, affirmation and validation you receive from

your spouse, true security comes when you choose to see yourself through the eyes of God, not through the eyes of your significant other (or anyone else, for that matter). Relying on your spouse to fill those insatiable needs is a recipe for disaster—because no one human being has the capacity to offer you what is needed for true value and self worth. That can only come from within. True security comes from the intimacy of your relationship with God, and whatever praises and encouragement you receive outside of that are simply overflow.

Marriage can’t give you purpose.

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YOURSAY: I WILL GET MARRIED TO A MAN WHO READS

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I lifted this from somewhere and am sure it will be worth your time.

A man who reads, I would like to believe,

knows how to put every resource he has

into good use, and with every page he turns,

I will see a promising future.

A man who reads, I would like to

believe, knows how to put every

resource he has into good use, and

with every page he turns, I will see a

promising future.

IN SUMMARY

Such a man finds it more

useful to read, rather than

aimlessly bob his head to

blaring, meaningless music.

He chooses not to spend the

half hour from town to his

destination analysing every

girl who walks into the

matatu.

He does not blindly stare out

of the window at scenery he

has seen a million times

before, and will probably see

again, on his way back home.

Growing up, like many young girls

in their teens and early twenties, my

definition of the ideal man was one

who was tall, dark and handsome.

I spent considerable time in search

of one with these perfect

combinations, but with time, I

discovered those three adjectives are

not an automatic key to marital

bliss. Since then, my list of the kind

of qualities a man who is husband

material should have, has been

changing.

I have decided I will marry a man

who reads. And not just one who

reads, but one who reads in a

matatu. I am sure this man will have

a string of virtues attached to this

single act. To begin with, it will be

easy to see his honesty, wit and

charm without much effort.

Such a man finds it more useful to

read, rather than aimlessly bob his

head to blaring, meaningless music.

He chooses not to spend the half

hour from town to his destination

analysing every girl who walks into

the matatu. He does not blindly

stare out of the window at scenery

he has seen a million times before,

and will probably see again, on his

way back home.

He instead travels with a book in

hand and promptly opens it once he

is seated. He shuts out the annoying

deafening noise from rusty speakers

with the words from a rusty old

book.

WILL NOT LAMENT IN TRAFFIC

He will not lament about the endless

hours wasted in traffic, like other

men who haven’t discovered the

beauty of reading, because he will

have spent that time constructively

gaining knowledge and being

entertained. Perhaps he will not be

reading Pride and Prejudice or Little

Women, but is it too much to ask to

meet a man who has at least read

the Lord of the Rings, before

watching the movie?

I will not mind that he has no car of

his own. I will instead focus on the

potential that will be oozing out of

his sharp mind. In time, I see myself

acquiring wealth with this man,

from the little that we will have at

the beginning. You see, if he can use

his commute to work to feed his

mind and imagine an abundant

future, I can bet that he spends the

rest of his time well. It will be

obvious that he has a job that makes

ends meet, a job that he takes

seriously.

A man who reads, I would like to

believe, knows how to put every

resource he has into good use, and

with every page he turns, I will see a

promising future.

He will also be a man who will

understand my tendency to almost

die with excitement every time I

walk into a bookstore. This man will

know better to buy me a book on my

birthday, on Valentines Day, and on

any anniversary we will have

together.

When we become wealthy, I will not

need to tell him that I prefer a walk-

in library, rather than a walk-in

closet for my shoes and bags.

I also have a feeling that he will be

handsome. I cannot imagine an ugly

man who reads. He will have a hint

of a smile lost in the story, or wear a

seriously attractive demeanour if

what he is reading is serious stuff.

The very sight of his nose buried in

a book will be the ultimate turn on

for me, and I will know that I have

found my prince charming. I tell

you, a man who reads is a heavenly

sight to behold!

I am one of those people who always

have a book in the bag, and I am

always on the lookout for a chance

to get it out and get lost in it. How I

wish to find a man who shares my

passion.

DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION

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It doesn’t matter whether we’re talking about life goals or lovers, if you aren’t willing to fight for them, if you aren’t willing to get your hands dirty, to go out of your way and make an effort to hold on to them, then you just don’t want them enough.

The marriage that God wished for us divorce was not an option. However, He highlighted that a man can only divorce his wife if she is guilty of sexual immorality. God hates divorce and we need not weave some doctrinal theological synthesis around this. Man was to become one with his wife for them to fulfill his will.

Each one has a role to play. However, with the brain wash trend and technology, we each have forgotten what we are met to do. Too much attention and too much fighting has changed the whole perspective of a godly ordained institution. We are meant to feel like the relationship is too much work, but you should know that a relationship that requires no energy is a dead one.

You will often hear of marriages that have lasted 30, 20, 10 years and so on. This doesn’t mean that they are a perfect couple with nothing to fight about, it just means that they are determined to save each other in fire and make their marriage work.

Changing ones perspective involves changing the way you view your partner. Is he/she a gift or a trophy? Gifts are treasures. A trophy is only for a season. Whenever you feel you deserve the other person, you will treat them as a trophy. But when you know you don’t deserve them you will treat them as a gift.

I’ve never been married but I know there instances when things become really thick. But remember your vows, for better for worse. It means that times will not be the same. You have to be prepared when fire comes in. what is your standing; to let your house where you have invested your emotion, strength, time, money and every other thing you’ve yield for years come down to ashes or are you gonna save it?

There are times when you feel that your sacrifices are not noticed or appreciated. And often that your spouse doesn’t deserve your love. Remember we don’t love people because they deserve our love. Christ loved us even when we didn’t deserve it and even when we didn’t recognize that He sacrificed His life for us.

Forgiveness is key. Are you feeling hurt broken, need time out? This feeling will often come but this doesn’t mean that the feeling will last forever. Forgiveness is an attitude you wear everyday not an event for special occasions. You need to forgive more than the other person needs to be forgiven. Love is communicated in a number of ways and forgiveness is one of them. You don’t need a reward for showing your spouse that you love and appreciate them.

All couples have their moments of disagreements, it’s how you handle them shows whether your relationship has ripened or not. Nothing decides the health of a relationship more than how a couple argues. In a mature relationship, the couple has learned each other’s patterns of anger and adjusted well to it, you have agreed upon a way of resolving conflict. The love doesn’t fade away even on the bad days, you don’t hurt each other just because you were angry, in fact you work towards solving the issue as a team. You can even call out on each other and it won’t result into a fight, because you know your partner means well for you and you help each other to growand improve.

Resolve things with honor. Marriage is meant for mature people and not for kids. However, age is not a determination for maturity. We are human and often wrong each other but how do you resolve conflict with someone you professed to love? With pride? When the other has wronged you doesn’t mean that the day today duties will be at a standstill. For instant the fact that you are mad at him doesn’t mean that you can’t prepare his cloths or dinner. And a word on caution sex is not one of the conflicts solving mechanism.

At the courtship stage couples should agree on a conflict solving mechanism. This shouldn’t be writing but engraved in the heart that it becomes part of you. Marriage is not broken after a one day mistaken. It’s a piled up mistake and brokenness due to unresolved conflicts.

But you should keep fighting. Every man and woman deserves someone who loves them so much that he or she would be willing to fight for them tooth and nail. If you really think about it, having someone willing to fight for you, to protect you, to even fight your battles if need be, is exactly the reason human beings partnered up to begin with. You don’t have to fight with fists but fight with the decisions they make, the way they plan their  lives, the way they forgive and do all they can to keep the relationship together.

Fight for her/him, fight for your marriage. Get down on your knees. Keep Him at the center of it all. Just hold on although sometimes your hope might be gone, don’t listen to Satan’s lies. At the end of it all am sure it will be worth it.

Divorce is not an option! It’s gonna work out, just keep trying. God hates divorce and will not let you down.

ALL THE BEST! GOD BLESS YOU.

LETTER TO MY MR.

imagesimagesI have been staring at a blank page for two days now, trying to think what to put down on paper. But I now got an inspiration- from a good friend. Marriage is not a shot in the dark or a matter to the whim and caprice of fact. It is an institution that the visualized way before meeting the compatible rib. This may not make sense because I don’t know you yet but I am sure when I met you it sure will. We may have met by now but we don’t know our ending. Sometimes I think you are taking too long to introduce yourself. But then again, I know God is preparing me and you before we bump into each other on the streets or when I open that door and It hits you on the for head or cause your phone or files to fall and break. And I know when you bend to pick them up we will see each other eye to eye. I know you will know me and I will know you but probably you will be dumbfound or I may be and its okey. Oh, It may sound as though it’s a fairytale but I am convinced beyond reasonable doubt that my dreams are valid. I know as I wait you are in a journey with God. And when you get impatient don’t give up on me. Just know that God is refining me to be that Proverb 31 woman you asked for.
However, if we have met already by now you know I may be stubborn and a little too awesome. That’s ..me. Often I don’t take no for an answer and have other faults that I don’t wanna mention here. I also know that you have your faults too. That’s human. Forgive me if I fail. Be patient with my faults. I don’t want a perfect man with a six pack or one like the guy in the Fresh Fry or Nivea advert but one we complement each other. One when I am at my worse he still brings out the best part of me. One who will love me for who me. I know God will give me the grace when He introduces you to me. I will wait for you more than the watchmen wait for the morning. And when we finally met…..
When we met, I want to love you with the love of God. I want my heart to be so lost in His love that when our hearts meet they are one in Him. I know you are so lost in Him and the only reason you will open your eyes, its ‘cause He has told you I am there by your side. Your happiness and that of our children will be my priority. I am flesh of your flesh, borne of your borne and when we met we shall be interlocked into indivisible atom. We will speak the same language, have the same vision, mission and goal. When we come together we will be one; one heart, one body and one mind.
I can see every reflection of this letter. This is not a wish, it’s a reality that will come true with time. I see you in a monkey suit waiting for me down the aisle. With a smile I have never seen before. My heart is not beating fast and my nerves are calm. I am convinced that this is right ‘cause of the peace I feel. Your smile attracts me more and I feel like telling the pastor to skip to the end. My folks trust you and my friends have no doubt about your intention. I know this is right ‘cause I spoke to Him this morning and He assured me it is. I feel like singing it is well with my soul but I know the choir will. I already see our children playing outside our house with mud all over there cloths. You join them and play one or two as I get busy in the kitchen. I see them grow and when she introduces her Mr. right, your heart sinks. You can’t imagine that she will be in another man’s hands.
I understand your plight. That’s what my daddy felt when he gave me to you. But it’s gonna be okey. I know our daughter and I have prayed for her. And when our son brings that lady home, I can tell that you are at peace. You are proud of him as he is doing what you’ve taught him. And moreso, that our family will increase. Even with our grey hair the spark is still the same. We took back and say this far it’s the Lord. I know marriage is not an easy sail but with God at the center of it all WE ARE GONNA MAKE IT!
Unfortunately my mind is not set now to meet you. My present mind is not according to His will. I have a lot of things to deal with. I have things am getting rid of. Please mention this to Him when you talk tonight. I talk to Him daily that He blesses you and keeps you away from harm. I often ask him to whisper your name or something that will give me a hit that, that’s you. But I guess His timing is always the best. And I no longer worry about the time, or that relatives will start asking, “mbona hujatuletea mtu (why haven’t you introduce him yet?).” I know I am not the author of time and I cannot argue with Him. He stopped time in the days of Joshua and He still can do that today.
Finally, my desire and prayer is that I will love you, support you archive your dreams, often tell you ‘baby its gonna be okey’, multiply what you’ve given me, be a good mother to our two kids (hoping you will agree to two), and more importantly a good wife and friend. I will meet you as God has in His plan. I know He has and will always have us in mind. Please don’t give yourself to someone else. When we met I will tell you how I have fallen in the hands of other thinking that’s you, how I have been thinking of you, how I have been writing letters to your son and daughter and why I wrote this letter to you. CAN’T WAIT TO MEET YOU! UNTIL THEN…
Your, Future wife

FIRST LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER

To my little girl,
Dear one, there are things that I want to share with you today – my experiences and thoughts. Read them whenever you feel low and I am sure that you will be able to find new hope through them.
To begin with, I want you to be whatever your heart wishes you to be. Don’t imitate anyone else; remain true to your own self. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not to satisfy other people’s expectations. The world forces us to don masks. Sadly, overtime we begin mistaking these artificial masks for the faces we had hidden in the past. Don’t let this happen to you!
Always remember that no one owes you anything. If someone loves you, it is because there is something special in you that touched their hearts and brought them immense joy. As you grow older still, persistently try to find in you that special something and through recognizing and appreciating it, allow it to grow so that more love and friendship come your way.
The world is a beautiful place but often a few things can make it seem harsh. God’s temple is made of love. It is man’s temple that is built of stones. Open your heart to goodness. No matter what happens, don’t let negative people or thoughts take hold of you. The choice between being an optimist or a pessimist will remain right there in front of you. Choose one, choose wisely!
Don’t let the child in you die. As long as you nurture this child within you, you will find happiness and joy in life.
There is a purpose in everything and everyone that comes into your life. Whatever experiences fall your way, strive to find the purpose behind them. Find the space in your heart and mind to learn a new lesson from every purpose. If you find yourself close to failing at what you started out to do, don’t hesitate to ask for help from God. One who realizes that he is ignorant is ignorant no more!
My dearest child, I read somewhere that every man’s life is a fairy tale written by God’s fingers. In Jeremiah 29 He says He has good plans for you. He knew you before you were born, He understands what no man can. Don’t be afraid to take everything to HIM in prayers. There will be times in your life when you will think this is not true; you will feel that your life is too hard to be a fairy tale. At that moment, I want you to remember that fairy tales contain wonder and beauty but also a few bad things. Each one contains a jinn, a witch, a cruel queen or king, a monster, a giant, some sort of unpleasantness. The trick is to conquer this evil slowly. But before conquering those external forces, conquer the jinns and monsters hiding in your own heart. Get a grip on the devil inside!
Be bold, be brave and believe in the power of your dreams – the dreams that shine in your lovely eyes like stars will illuminate your way.
ABOVE ALL, know and fear God. Seek first His righteousness and EVERYTHING else shall be added to you. Read Proverbs they will make you wise and guide you. And moreso Chapter 31.
It is true that with every passing day, I will grow older and weaker. A day may come when I will become forgetful. But even then, you with your bright smile, will light up my heart.

Your loving Mother.

WHY WOMEN DO NOT SUBMIT

To clear the air, this is not an extended chapter of Chimamanda’s book ‘We Should All Be Feminist’ nor is it a campaign towards that same goal. This is a recap of bringing to life what has been buried by our society. Yes I agree we are in the 21st century and that the rate of divorce and dislike of the marriage institution is increasing by day. We have forgotten the roots of the problem and have begun to focus more on the dos and don’ts. The very nature of the advises we give people in the counseling and marital classes has left us in want. We have developed an SI Unit and define every marriage according to the norm. How it should be right in the eyes of the society and we end up getting the whole thing wrong.
Why have we forgotten the book of life? The book that ordained this institution! You cannot give what you don’t have. The knowledge of how to live in the institution is in the book of life, the bible. Before saying any word to that sister or brother whose marriage is on the rocks, first look at what the author says. In the book of Ephesians 5:22-33 it’s written, husbands love your wives and wives submit to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. That’s it! It’s not about how much you earn, how you: dress, talk or a perfect body shape. This is God’s command to us. It’s not a food for thought and there is no other secret to a happy marriage. The man’s role is to love and that of the woman is to submit. We got to know that God hates divorce! This is the SI Unit.
The love and submissiveness of a man and a woman respectively is a cycle. One leads to another and none cannot stand alone. If you sow love you will reap submission and love too. On the contrary you cannot sow hate and expect some miracle or magical happenings of love. So men, grow up how about you lead her with grace instead of trying to control her. If you love her unconditionally just as Christ loved the church she will submit. I know I have never been married but I don’t to be to know what God expects from us. If you love with the love of Christ it’s a guarantee she will submit.
We however have lost the way. You will hear women say “well I’m not submitting to anybody’ and their counter parts will say “ women don’t submit anymore’ this has lead to a disconnect in the institution. We compete to be superior to one another and have forgotten our role as the head and the neck. Marriage is not a survival for the fittest contest. It is an institution ordained by God and there are rules to it. Allow him to LEAD AND TRUST his directions.
But leading does not mean being a control freak. It means setting an example. Treat others as you would want them to treat you. We also have to move and adopt we the evolving world. The modern woman is not only raised to get married and bear children. She is raised to be independent, have a mind of her own, dynamic and have an equal standing in the corporate and competitive world. I can say this to the roof tops! We are as busy as men trying to make ends meet but we still haven’t forgotten that we need to be wives and mothers once we enter that door. But we can forget if he diggers it. If he is not loving and understanding we will forget. We will start to fight for an equal right basis in terms of who will do the dishes, wash cloths and pick the kids.
Therefore men have to EARN SUBNISSION. She will not try that submission thing probably with a boy posing as a man who manifests himself as an unreliable, irresponsible and unfaithful person. I know that sounded harsh but that’s the truth. If you got out drink yourself silly, soak your cloths, never pay rent and come home at the wee hours of the morning and probably give her a beating. Do you honestly deserve that respect? I am sorry she is human. We should not hide under the umbrella of Christianity until we forget that we are both humans. God does not expect that from us. He says there is time for everything and He doesn’t like hypocrisy.
If you say women are not submitting yet they wear a ragtag Christians, have you sat to think of the reason? Where you gone wrong? I will tell you, it’s ‘cause you are not showing her love full stop. Below is a check list for you to earn submission;
a) LOVE HER. This entails unconditional love highlighted in 1st Corinthians 13:5. Love her as Christ loved the church and gave up himself for her. Love her as yourself. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one hated their own body. Can you hate or hurt yourself?
b) DEPENDABILITY. Are you always there when she needs you? She needs a friend, a husband and a father to her children. Are you that to her? You can’t be there SOMETIMES; you have to be there ALWAYS. You need to be there physically and emotionally. She needs to have an assurance that you are her number one cheer leader.
c) PROVIDER. I respect all those men who do all they can to retain their position as the provider. It doesn’t matter if she earns more that you. Just get out of that bed and bring home some milk or sugar. You will be respected in the society and in your house.
d) HUMILITY. You must be humble enough to know the limits of your ability. Your humility will let her know that you won’t take her down a path of destruction because you know when to say, “baby I need help”.
Finally, you married her because you loved her. And she agreed to marry you ‘cause in your eyes she saw someone who loved her. Your wish is to see your children and grand children and to grow old together still with the same same spark you had when you first saw her. This is what God wishes for us and that’s why we should live in accordance to His word. He means the best for us, a prosperity in life. Go and be the person he/she fell in love with.