Someone once posted that if you have gone to more than 50 weddings of your classmates you should start questioning yourself. As funny as the statement may look, it is true. However, caution is key. There is usually a lot of peer and family pressure especially when you are done with school and working. With all the mixed messages our world offers us
about love and relationships, sometimes it’s hard to imagine marriage accurately from the perspective of a single young adult. Even with all the chaos modeled in modern-day marriages all around us and the national divorce rate consistently hovering at 50 percent (with only50 percent of those who remain married reporting that they are happy in theirmarriage), and spouses killing each other somehow the idea of marriage still gets idolized beyond reasonable expectations.
Let’s be honest and most of the married people will tell you, lower your expectations. He has married you and you are going nowhere. Forget the, he must leave a note beside your pillow with a love message when you woke up, forget the endless dates and the opening of the car door for you, forget that he must kiss you good night everydaay, forget that when you are angry you won’t cook for him, foerget that when he says he wants rice and not ugali that you will throw your hand to the air and walk away and most importantly forget that he is not your boyfriend but your husband and should be treated as such. Forget all that!
Don’t get me wrong. You have to keep the romance alive or you may just be housemate who try to coexist. Keeping and nourishing the love you share will save a great deal. Let the dating period continue. Love is not one sided. And when lobe fails respect dies.
Everyone believes their marriage will be different, looking to Hollywood dreams and
fairy tale romances as their example. Most singles long to be married and have an insatiable desire inside their hearts to meet the significant other they can finally call “the one.” Today the topic of love is such a universal obsession. Over the print, video and audio media the topic is the same : finding love, solving relationship problems, online dating you name them.
God created love and has placed the desire to be loved unconditionally within each of our hearts. Marriage is a natural overflow of that desire.Yet within this sacred and natural pursuit of marriage, it’s easy to fall into the lie that finding a spouse will be the ultimate road to happiness and great satisfaction. That all problems, fears and deficits will fade away in the presence of true love. While this may be true of God’s love, let me remind you it isn’t true in the world of marriage.
There is no doubt marriage is a great blessing and that those who find a good spouse have truly found a great gift. Yes it is a blessing but again I said lower your expectations. Its a bed or roses but remember roses too have thorns and the are very beautiful. The truth is your will be angry not once, twice…but occasionally. You will want to hive up but remember you made a covenant with God first then your spouse when you said I do. And more importantly divorce is not an option. God hates it so should you.
I’m not sure why young singles ever believe that it would. For some reason, the idea of
being loved unconditionally by another human being sounds like it would do the trick in
helping us feel better about ourselves. We fall into the belief that being married and seeing ourselves loved through the eyes of another will really teach us how to love ourselves. Wrong. Being loved and being in love is awesome. You have a choice either to love someone or not and every choice has a consequence. Marriage doesn’t erase your insecurities. Marriage does not solve your problems and marriage is not the way out. Marriage is for companionship. That is it!
That way of thinking has done more harm than good to many a marriage in our world. No one has the power to deal with our inadequacies and insecurities but us. Putting those types of expectations on a spouse will only cause harm, because there is a 100 percent chance they can’t change how we view ourselves. No matter how much encouragement, affection, affirmation and validation you receive from
your spouse, true security comes when you choose to see yourself through the eyes of God, not through the eyes of your significant other (or anyone else, for that matter). Relying on your spouse to fill those insatiable needs is a recipe for disaster—because no one human being has the capacity to offer you what is needed for true value and self worth. That can only come from within. True security comes from the intimacy of your relationship with God, and whatever praises and encouragement you receive outside of that are simply overflow.
Marriage can’t give you purpose.