He is never good at surprises or maybe it’s always the wrong timing. I have told him once and again that he will end up surprising himself. But I think we are always in a battle or rather he is always in a battle of trying to prove me wrong. Everytime I proved him wrong I made a victory dance which he hates. The victory dance must always be accompanied with a wink and a sarcastic smile. One the other hand I love every bit of it.

We talked about everything and I had no double that I am totally sold out. But this time I really didn’t care. That’s what I had always wanted. In fact it’s more than an answered prayer. I am assured and totally convinced that that was it, it was right. I felt the goose bumps and butterflies. I was not anxious but happy. The peace within was overwhelming.

On that day he came up with an insane idea of hiking. I really hate crawling animals and he knew that. To make it sound hard, he refused to disclose the hiking location. It was actually a bet that the loser will write a 32 pages (A5) love note for the other with no repetition in a week’s time. I loved writing and losing won’t be a punishment for me. But since I hate losing, I agreed. He is a number’s guy and writing can be taskingnfor him (though he suggested the punishment).We were to hike on a weekend and he had told me of it on a Monday. That day after work, I walked into a sports shop to buy a pair of sport shoes (my legs had suddenly grown bigger and the one in the closet didn’t fit). I found real cute pink and lime green sport shoes.

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The following day I tried to do some exercise, which I did, but the following morning my muscles were hurting. I did these excises for four days. One the d-day, which was a Saturday, he came by my house to pick me up. The well dressed and exited me freaked him out. I have this saying, when you are most afraid, fake courage no one can tell the difference. The truth was, I was really scared. First, I was not sure if I should just admit loss or I should just proceed. Second, the last time I went hiking my muscles hurt for two weeks and worse still a twisted ankle. Finally, I had a wedding to attend the following day and dancing is what makes the attendance memorable.

We were now on our way but stopped by a supermarket for some snacks and water. He also bought some painkillers and Elastoplast for the first aid kit.

The hiking was to take place some 100 kilometers from where we were. The place was really cold with forests everywhere (name withheld) but favorable conditions for hiking. Starting time was 8:30 am and finishing time was 3:00pm. To cut the long story short. I won the bet. He didn’t know that I was familiar with the place. At about 1:00 pm he was exhausted, sweaty and couldn’t move an inch. On the other side I saw feeling great. He conceded.images_61

In the car, I stared at him to get his attention. He diverted his focus from the road to me and there I winked, tuned on the Radio for some music, raised my hands for the dance. The guy was really furious and had all this crazy idea that I might have taken something to boost my energy. I looked at him and smiled then told him that I had hiked there on several occasions before. Since he had refused to disclose the location, he surprised himself as usual.

Two weeks after, we met so that he could hand over the book. On this day everything was perfect, he called earlier than usual to confirm that we will be meeting and that he will be picking me up. That was odd. He is the kind of person who calls an hour to the meeting to confirm attendance. An hour to the meeting I called him but his phone was off. I tried his office extension and someone picked who informed me that he had stepped out about 30 minutes ago.

Everything was now going south. I called his phone again after an hour but it was still off. I scrolled through my phone book and called a friend of his who told me that he had not seen him. My heart was unsettled. Still in the office 30 minutes after our agreed time, I called again. He picked up excited (this is the point I felt like hanging up). On my side I was mad! I was anxious about him not picking up his call and yet on the other side the guy seemed to have been enjoying himself. First I wanted to know why he had arranged for a meeting yet he was unreachable and 30 minutes late.

I asked him where he was and why he was late. Apparently he was swimming.  That was odd. Why would he be out for swimming on  a Monday at 5:30pm? I was mad not to ask more questions. He quickly said that he had sent someone to pick me up about 20 minutes ago.Before I could respond, a gentleman came to the office to pick me up.

On arrival to the hotel were he was swimming, I was ushered to the table on the balcony by a waiter. The gentleman who had picked me disappeared. I ordered for some water to try and calm my nerves. After 12 minutes he walks in with a short and t-shirt. The guy was just a mess. He hugged me and was breathing heavily. Apparently he was from the gym. Everything was not adding up. Earlier he said, he was swimming now he is from the gym. I thought it should be the other way round (gym then swimming). I asked him what he was up to, the swimming and gym on a Monday. He shouted that he was keeping feet.

After 15 minutes of my one word answers, I asked him to give me the book because it was getting late. He said it was in the car. He left for the book but again took long. I was exhausted after a long day and was not in any mood for drama. I script on one of napkins on the table that I was out and signed. As I was heading down stares on the second floor, he was there with our friends all dressed in white stepping on red rose petals. images_57

I was still mad and decided not to be a party in anything he was up to. I stood stared at them for 1 minute then proceeded to go down (heading towards them). Unfortunately that was the only exit from the hotel. On the last stare case before I could step on the petals, I noticed they had  red burning candles and he was also dressed in white. The scene was beautiful, I smiled. I really didn’t know what happened to me walking past them. Music was playing on the background (God blessed the broken heart and lead me straight to you). A waiter gave him a microphone. He did a mic check and told me about the bet punishment and that he had the book with him. I was very emotional. One of his friends handed other a book to him. It was beautiful. It had a cover of a picture we took a year ago. He opened and read it out word for word. I was very emotional as he read. On finishing the last sentence, he was on one knee.

This time he didn’t surprise himself. He had it all planned. I stared at him for about 3 minutes and winked (we had this tradition that when I wink especially after he has requested for something, it was a no). He stood and started singing the song playing on the background. It was a teaser since he was dramatic that evening. There he was again on one knee. I couldn’t resist and shouted a big yes. The rest is history.images_58

The following day I got an email subject, The Proposal. In the email was an outline of his plan for the proposal including the hiking bet.

It was heartfelt and beautiful.






GLOBAL WARMING: The Earth will Heal Itself 

1320_effects-imageLet’s talk about our future. The future of our generation. What will the Earth be like? Recently climate scientist from around the world met in Paris for one of the largest scientific gathering sponsored by the United Nations. However much nations met and try to come with ideas to end global warming , there is little or nothing that there legislation will help. I think the Earth has its way of healing itself. Now let’s talk about the healing.

In an interview, the Paris Conference chair Jean Jouzel said, “Global warming will never stop but there is hope. It would have be have been much easier to deal with the issue if we had started 25 years ago.

Climate change or global warming if you may is as a result of too much carbon dioxide (CO2) in the atmosphere which acts as a blanket- trapping heat and warming the planet.  CO2 is as a result of burning fossils fuel like coal, oil, natural gas and cutting down of trees. The process of the production of CO2 is seen with the emerging number of industries in the name of improving the live of man and technology.

Analysis of Global Change

As it is now, the countries that feel the gravity of global warming are Europe, Asia, and America. The question now is, why is it that the Africa Continent feels the effect less? African countries do not have extreme weather conditions, there are severe storms, reduce lake ice water, increased sea levels, increased droughts and charge in plant and animal behavior.

If we go back before colonization in Africa, life was as good as it gets. People didn’t worry about education, civilization, technology and what is now felt in the developed countries. In Africa the order of the day was live in the forest. Food was fetched from the forest which came in its natural state. They would care about starting a forest fire. They cared about where they could get their food from. If they needed vegetables or meat, they would go into the forest with spears to gather and hunt respectively.

Temperature Change

There was no need to store things in the refrigerator or heat with a microwave. They stored things using natural methods like smoking, salting, heating or drying. If one was to travel from one place to the other they would use animals. As it was, there were no industries to burn oil, gas, coal or release any toxic gases. There were no air conditioners. The weather was perfect.

On the other hand, the European and Americans had a lot to worry about. To start with, there weather patterns are extreme; from winter to summer. They had to think of ways that they would keep themselves warm during winter and how they would store food. What other way of keeping themselves warm than heating systems. Heating systems use either gas or electricity. And of course fire wood. But fire wood cannot heat an entire house or office and worse still it cannot provide enough heat. The only best alternative was gas and electricity. Electricity on the other hand is expensive for a country. If a country is to depend of electricity, they have to usenuclear energy to produce more electricity. As for gas– which most countries use- oil has to be drilled beneath the earth. From the oil they extract gases.

There countries came up with all the technology we see now, from vehicles, to electricity, to airplanes, to industries, telecommunications and everything that we enjoy now in Africa. They brought this technology to Africa. We now have industries and cars to produce toxic gases. We now mine and destroy the earth’s crust. We now cut trees for furniture. We have aped the developed countries.

Now, in the attempt to make life comfortable, the above caused more havoc with time. We have global warming. I am not in any way blaming them, of cause they had to find ways to survive. But in the aim of exploiting resources and developing, little or no attention was given to the effects that the technology will cause. Thanks to it we now have an elephant in the room.

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We now have countries coming together in conventions trying to scare the elephant. The earth has already suffered grievously. It has suffered all manner of abuses. Yet it is still surviving. It’s really a survivor. Common sense tells us that what we are doing is damaging the Earth but we heed not to this. In fact the same people who have brought us to where we are the same people who are pushing us far from recovery. With the already damaged Earth, they bring in more technology to cover up. But I am somehow convinced that it is just business. You know the supply and demand chains. We have developed more demand and they have more to supply. They have come up with GMO seeds which can survive the weather but the same seeds are harming our body. They are producing more in an aim to seek healing mother Earth but they are also producing more toxic gas.

The Earth is sick but it will heal it self 

Professor Laughlin in his book ‘The Crime of Reason’ says that you can’t discuss climate change without looking backward across geologic time. He puts ordinary rainfall into perspective to illustrate the point. The rain that now falls on the world in a normal year measures a meter –about the height of a golden retriever. The rain that has fallen since the industrial age measures 200 meters. The rain that has fallen since the age of the dinosaurs would fill the Earth’s ocean 20,000 times. The rain that has fallen since oxygen formed will fill the World 100 times.  Yet, the amount of water in Earth’s oceans hasn’t changed significantly in all of this time. In Earth’s most recent glacial melting, 15,000 years ago, the sea level rose by one centimeter a year for 10,000 years- and then abruptly stopped. The heat required to produce this melting was 10 times the total energy consumption of all human civilization.

As long as we produce and manufacture, CO2 will always be in the atmosphere.  There is no amount of conventions or legislation that will help. Everyone is in business and technology is still evolving. Anything that humans do to mitigate is a waste of time. It is natural that Governments and citizens delude themselves when they think they can make a difference.

Physical Impact of Climate Change


The Earth has suffered much and as it. If exhausted it will take care of itself. The Earth doesn’t care if you reduce gas production, or you reduce the amount of cars on the roads or that you put measures to industries. It’s vanity.  The Earth is capable of turning excess CO2 into limestone. The Earth regulates climate change in geologic time without asking for anyone’s permission or explaining itself.

However, at the time of healing more destruction will have occurred than we ever expected. The glacial melting  (ice age)will increase sea levels and the oceans will break their boundaries. Unfortunately the countries on the Northern hemisphere will suffer greatly. Most of these countries will be washed away. Buildings will collapse, crops and animals will be destroyed and people will die


Glacial melting

After this, the Earth will cool and it will absorb all the toxic gas. This is the truth. We can’t do anything. We are caught up with the very inventions that we thought would help us. Our invention has made us cynical.

Choices have consequences. It’s our time to eat the bitter fruit be labored.




images_48I woke up feeling really exhausted. As my morning routine, I tuned in the radio for some music. I flipped though several radio stations and one particular station caught my attention. The conversation was an interesting one. Actually they were talking about something I’ve always wanted to write about at some point in the year.

A lady called in and wanted to get people’s view of what she had experienced a day before. She narrated, “I was in a cab with a co-worker and her boyfriend. When we arrived at our destination, she pulled out some money from her bag and handed over to the boyfriend who then paid it to the cab guy. I was like, does she owe him money? Had they had a conversation before? Does she carry his money? Why didn’t she just hand the money to the driver? When we stepped out, I pulled my co-worker on the side and asked her why she handed him (the boyfriend) the money instead of just giving it to the driver directly? She said that she will be bruising his ego and that she wanted him to feel like a man.”

This is exactly what I have been thinking about. Some few months ago, I was at a restaurant with a male friend (I had offered him coffee) for coffee, the waiter came with the bill and handled it over to him. I stared at him (waiter) but apparently he didn’t notice my ugly stare. My hand was still in the air waiting for him to hand me the bill, as he walked away (I felt maybe I should bring it to his attention) I thought it was not his fault. In our society today, the man is always expected to settle the bill. Any way I let that go.images_46

I think our society is messed up. We have been raised in a society that dictates that a man should prove himself by paying bill or that a man should always pay bills and if he doesn’t he is not a gentleman.  He should settle bills at home, in the supermarket, at the restaurant, at the petrol station, in the bus and in the salon if he has accompanied her.

We have made it a norm. The society has raised the girl child to think that they are not supposed to pay to anything if they are in the company of a man. What if the man doesn’t have money? I talked to a friend about this and he said that he will never let a lady pay for anything in his presence. images_47

Let’s stop with the pretense, sophisticated ego and traditions. Yes traditions dictate that the man should be the lead in everything. But traditions and culture does not make people, people make traditions. Men do not have a money gene.

Masculinity should not be linked with money. As it is now, the economic situation is tough. We cannot afford to have one person catering for everything in and outside the house. Yes a man should be the provider, the bible dictates so. But that does not mean that if the man doesn’t have money and the woman has that she cannot settle the bill. This however, does not mean that a man should leave everything to his woman in the name of; ‘YOU EARN MORE THAT I DO’ or that I don’t have money songs. A man who does not provide for his family loses their respect and doesn’t earn her submission. Have a look at WHY WOMEN DO NOT SUBMIT

If he feels that he has to behave like the guy on the second paragraph, sorry girl his ego is fragile. Girl if you settle bills you do not emasculate him. You are his helper. You are just helping. That’s your family too, it’s your house, they are your children too, it’s your stomach.

I repeat, ladies if you need to hand money to him to pay the bill in public just to save his face, his ego is fragile.

Let’s be civilized! She can also pay bills.



DADDY:Before the street lights are on

images_41While packing my bag to leave the office for the day, I heard him say to a colleague, “do I have to go home now, there is traffic and I might get to spend two hours on the road”. He replied, “then let’s get two for the road and by the time we leave, the road will be clear”. I looked at my watch and it was 4:30pm. That was too early, there might be no traffic but even though it might have started building up, by the lapse of two hours he will home before the street lights are on.
Before the street lights are on;
He would have passed by a florist shop and bought her a rose,
images_45He would have helped her in the kitchen,
He would have help them with their homework,
He would have had a conversation with her,images_43
He would have asked her how her day was,
He would have noticed that she looks stressed,
He would have noticed that she has lost weight,
He would have known what was stressing her,
He would have time to correct his children when they start shouting at her and misbehaving,
He would have time to prepare and plan for the family’s expense,
He would have time to plan for a family vacation,
He would have time to tell her how beautiful she was especially during her worst moments,
He would have time to prepare a candle lite dinner with her or taken her out for a romantic dinner,
He would have time for a round table dinner with her and the kids,
images_40He would have ‘daddy in the kitchen’ moments for them,
He would have time to plan a surprise for her,
He would have time to notice the garage door needs to be fixed,
He would have time to notice that the garden needs trimming,
He would have time to play with his children as mama prepares dinner,
He would have time to notice that one of the children has a skin condition and the other had a protein allergy,
He would notice that the youngest has now learnt to speak and her first word was ‘daddy’ because he is always around,
He would notice that the youngest of six months old recognizes his face and presence,
images_44He would have noticed that one of the kids had dyslexia and requires special care and attention because he was helping him with his homework,
He would have noticed that all he ever needed after a hard day’s work was his family,images_42
He would have realized that family is more important.

Merry Christmas! It’s family time!




Not long ago I attended a bridal shower and it was amazing especially the advice from women with silver hair. I mean these ladies have lived long enough and every word that comes from them is pure wisdom. This made me realise that fairly tale is just it, fairy tale but there is a reality that we all tend to ignore. There message was simple, it’s good to have a fantasy of what you want but we do not live in a fantasy world but in a real world and here things are so different.

In their basket they had a sieve, cooking stick, bloom, a number of spices and salt. At first I thought because the bride was starting a new matrimonial home,  they were probably trying to take her through some basic cooking or kitchen lessons. But wait, at her age really? That would be inappropriate and diminishing. Were they assuming that she doesn’t know how to prepare meals?

We had a lot of games to play for the bridal shower but they were all directed to the bride. I want to feel challenged and pick as much wisdom as I could. But with the number of games I was getting bored.

After the games, there were a number of activities and the moment I was waiting for thereafter . What were all those kitchen stuffs for? I kept thinking… Within no time they started demonstrating and elaborating.


1. Spices and Salt

One of the ladies picked a number of species. I was familiar with some and some not. She asked each of us the use and effect of each spice she selected. But my favourite spiece (royco) was missing. Her final question was if we would eat food that had all those spieces. We all said no. She asked why? One of the young ladies said because despite the fact that the food had all those spieces it didn’t have salt. The elderly lady agreed with contentment. She elaborate that salt is everything and without it we cannot enjoy our food no matter how spicy it is. She told the bride that in her marriage she was the salt. The husband may bring all sorts of spieces but without salt that marriage is doomed.

2. The broom

The broom is used to sweep away any particles on the floor and some even use it to remove cobwebs on the wall. A broom is an essential tool in the house and there is not house that lacks one. If you don’t sweep your house for a week it would be dusty and dirty. In the same way, a woman is like a broom. It is her responsibility to sweep away any dirt that is brought into the house by visitors or her husband and at the same time sweep away all the dirt that is generated from within the house. If she does not sweep immediately, the dirty may become permanent and when you decise to clean it away you may use a lot of energy or end up ruining the surface.


3. The cooking stick

We all know that a cooking stick is used to stir either stew, porridge and most importantly ugali.  For the stew and porridge one can use a spoon but for ugali you have to use a cooking stick. The cooking stick is used to mix the water and floor into a fine inseparable mixture. A woman in her matrimonial home is like a cooking stick very essential in the kitchen. Her work is to make sure that her and her husband form an inseparable mixture that not amount of outward force can separate them.


3. Sieve

This is the last tool but equally very important. We all know what a sieve is used for. It filters large partials from a liquid. For instance if you cook tea it is certain that you will use a sieve to separate large partials of tea leaves for the tea to be edible. Imagine an instance where you fail to sieve the tea…yuck! In fact fact you cannot miss a sieve in any household. It is a very important part of the kitchen especially when dealing with drinks, from home made juice, tea, milk etc. In a marriage it is the sole duty of a woman not to extract ‘wisdom’ from outside or from someone’s homes and make it fit into her own home. Remember your husband is not the same as your friend’s husband, what your husband likes is not what your friend’s husband likes. Yes you can ask for advice from your girlfriends but you don’t have to use it in its raw form. Know your man first and what his reaction would be if you implement that decision on him or your marriage. Sieve every advice before using it. Sieve your attitude when trying to solve a problem, sieve your words and sieve your reaction.


These are the words I got from the women with silver hairs. They mean good and would love to see thier daughters and sons living happy even after the vows. It wouldn’t be easy they promised but a wise woman will stand strong and build her home. All the building materials are in your custody. With every additional brick your house may be stable or fall down to pieces. Be careful. God has bestored in you wisdom use it and he says if anyone lacks wisdom let him ask.

There are more additional notes from my ealier blog, Divorce is not an Option


Let’s be civilised in the way we handle our homes. God bless you!





I we all battle with what is right in our eyes, the society and God. It’s always hard to make decisions especially with the current economic break down. But that not withstanding we have to make those decisions. I heard this and thought it might help.

A sales man was waiting to see the Purchasing Agent so he could submit his Company’s bid. While he was waiting, he couldn’t help but notice that his Competitor’s bid was sitting on the Purchasing Agent’s desk. Unfortunately, the actual figure for the Competitor’s bid was covered by a soda can.


He got to thinking: How could it hurt if he took just a quick look? No one would ever need to know. So he reached over integrity and lifted the soda can. But his heart sank as he watched thousands of beads pour out from the bottomless can and scatter across the desktop.


It was a test set up by the Purchasing Agent … and he failed it. Needless to say, he didn’t get that company’s business.


I read that story and wondered, would I have passed the same integrity test? The only time you know you can stand, is right when you are in the middle of the heat.


I can imagine maybe business is not good and you are depending on this deal to make ends meet. Would you take a small peep to see if your bid is lower than your competitor giving you a better chance to get the job?


God expects you and I to be honest in our dealings whether we are all alone or in the presence of witnesses. God is ready to bless the work of our hands but we have to be honest in our dealings for the blessing to flow.


Who are you when people are not watching? Will you stand by the truth even when it means you can lose? These are questions we have to answer every day and our actions reveal who we really are in our hearts.


May we find strength and conviction to stand by what we really believe in even when it means our lives are on the line like Daniel.

Proverbs 28:18

Whoever walks in integrity will be delivered, but he who is crooked in his ways will suddenly fall.

 In all your dealings today stand for what is truth. It’s about being civilised. 


While at the park one day,a woman sat down next to a man

on a bench near a playing ground.”That’s my son over

there,”she said,pointing to a little  boy in a sweater who was

gliding down the slide.”He’s a fine looking boy,”the man

said.”That’s my daughter on the bike with the white dress.”

Then looking at his watch,he called to his daughter,”what do

you say we go,melisa?” melisa pleaded,”just 5 more

minutes,dad,please?just 5 more minutes.”The man nodded

and melisa continued to ride her bike to her heart’s

content.  Minutes passed and the father stood again and called

to his daughter, ”time to go now?”Again melisa pleaded,”5

more minutes dad,just 5 more minutes”.The man smiled and


”My,you certainly are a patient father”the woman

responded. The  man smiled and then said,”her older brother

tommy was killed by a drunk driver last year while he was

riding his bike near here. I never spent much time with tommy

and now i’d give anything for just 5 more minutes with

him. I ‘ve vowed not to make the same mistake with melisa.

She thinks she has 5 more mintes to ride her bike.  The truth

is,i get 5 more minutes to watch her play.”

Life is all about making priorities,what are your priorities? Give someone you love 5 more minutes of your time today.


images_33We compromise on things every single day.

Your job isn’t perfect. You put up with it for 8-10

hours a day.

You don’t agree with your boss but you do as he directs.

Your friends and family aren’t perfect. You put up

with them for the rest of the time.

We make choices and yet we know the consequences will weigh us down.


But wait.

You’d make adjustments if you didn’t feel good

about your body. You know hitting the gym and eating healthy.

You’d make adjustments if your financial statement are

not balancing (income and expenditure).

You’d make adjustments if you alienated your co-

workers and wanted to feel better from 9-5 every


We’re constantly making adjustments in life: socially, financially etc.


But we tend to forget something!

The time we spend knowing people and falling in love with them.

Should it be any news that it’s the one arena

in which you struggle the most?

And sometimes can’t handle yourself?


You know what you want?

You want someone like you.

You want someone who is as intelligent as you are.

One who earns as much as you do or more.

In short you want a smart person, you know one you

can take out for office cocktail, introduce to your friends and family.


That’s seems like business partners!

You know, one you can trophy around as CEO and COO.

What about one you can relate with?

Ooh…you can’t adjust your standards, I almost forgot.


And yet you still say you want a man who is

smarter than you are.


Sounds like a pretty exhausting relationship, doesn’t it?

You know something about smart people? Let me tell you.

They live in their heads. They’re somewhat tortured. They

know what they’re worth. They have enough

information and ammunition to be impossible to

argue with. They can be endlessly fascinating and

even more frustrating.

This is my story.

I am (like many) attracted to smart intelligent men.

You know, we can hold a conversation about anything.

They challenge me. Not a man who only reads a newspaper.


But don’t get it wrong.

It does mean that you need to accept men or women who are

not in the 98th percentile of intelligence, and

recognize that there are plenty of amazing, bright,

relationship-oriented men who may not be smarter

than you.

We are talking about comprises.

You comprises about a lot of things and

relationships should be inclusive.

Are you willing to carry him or her as a trophy or as a gift?

Trophies are for a season and show off while gifts are treasures.


About trophies.

Most of your time is usually spent talking about

fixing up the house, raising our daughter, planning

our next vacation, figuring out what we’re going to

have for dinner, balancing bank accounts and buying assets.


About gifts.

Most of your time will be enjoying each others company.

Laughing and crying together.

Learning about each other.

Growing old together and solving issues as they arise

without thinking of divorce papers or checking his email

messages or clothes for lipstick stains.


In conclusion. You have a choice.

If you believe in self-help, if you’ve read books

about spirituality, if you’ve gone to shrinks and

taken weekend seminars, and yet you still think your

husband or wife has to be on the exact same wavelength

as you?

Sorry. But you can adjust.

He/she doesn’t.

They just have to respect you. And you have to respect



MARRIAGE CAN’T GIVE YOU HAPPINESS, PURPOSE. Marriage is not an escape goat.

images_32Someone once posted that if you have gone to more than 50 weddings of your classmates you should start questioning yourself. As funny as the statement may look, it is true. However, caution is key. There is usually a lot of peer and family pressure especially when you are done with school and working. With all the mixed messages our world offers us

about love and relationships, sometimes it’s hard to imagine marriage accurately from the perspective of a single young adult. Even with all the chaos modeled in modern-day marriages all around us and the national divorce rate consistently hovering at 50 percent (with only50 percent of those who remain married reporting that they are happy in theirmarriage), and spouses killing each other somehow the idea of marriage still gets idolized beyond reasonable expectations.

Let’s be honest and most of the married people will tell you, lower your expectations. He has married you and you are going nowhere. Forget the, he must leave a note beside your pillow with a love message when you woke up, forget the endless dates and the opening of the car door for you, forget that he must kiss you good night everydaay, forget that when you are angry you won’t cook for him, foerget that when he says he wants rice and not ugali that you will throw your hand to the air and walk away and most importantly forget that he is not your boyfriend but your husband and should be treated as such. Forget all that!

Don’t get me wrong. You have to keep the romance alive or you may just be housemate who try to coexist. Keeping and nourishing the love you share will save a great deal. Let the dating period continue. Love is not one sided. And when lobe fails respect dies.

Everyone believes their marriage will be different, looking to Hollywood dreams and

fairy tale romances as their example. Most singles long to be married and have an insatiable desire inside their hearts to meet the significant other they can finally call “the one.” Today the topic of love is such a universal obsession. Over the print, video and audio media the topic is the same : finding love, solving relationship problems, online dating you name them.

God created love and has placed the desire to be loved unconditionally within each of our hearts. Marriage is a natural overflow of that desire.Yet within this sacred and natural pursuit of marriage, it’s easy to fall into the lie that finding a spouse will be the ultimate road to happiness and great satisfaction. That all problems, fears and deficits will fade away in the presence of true love. While this may be true of God’s love, let me remind you it isn’t true in the world of marriage.

There is no doubt marriage is a great blessing and that those who find a good spouse have truly found a great gift. Yes it is a blessing but again I said lower your expectations. Its a bed or roses but remember roses too have thorns and the are very beautiful. The truth is your will be angry not once, twice…but occasionally. You will want to hive up but remember you made a covenant with God first then your spouse when you said I do. And more importantly divorce is not an option. God hates it so should you.

I’m not sure why young singles ever believe that it would. For some reason, the idea of

being loved unconditionally by another human being sounds like it would do the trick in

helping us feel better about ourselves. We fall into the belief that being married and seeing ourselves loved through the eyes of another will really teach us how to love ourselves. Wrong. Being loved and being in love is awesome. You have a choice either to love someone or not and every choice has a consequence. Marriage doesn’t erase your insecurities. Marriage does not solve your problems and marriage is not the way out. Marriage is for companionship. That is it!


That way of thinking has done more harm than good to many a marriage in our world. No one has the power to deal with our inadequacies and insecurities but us. Putting those types of expectations on a spouse will only cause harm, because there is a 100 percent chance they can’t change how we view ourselves. No matter how much encouragement, affection, affirmation and validation you receive from

your spouse, true security comes when you choose to see yourself through the eyes of God, not through the eyes of your significant other (or anyone else, for that matter). Relying on your spouse to fill those insatiable needs is a recipe for disaster—because no one human being has the capacity to offer you what is needed for true value and self worth. That can only come from within. True security comes from the intimacy of your relationship with God, and whatever praises and encouragement you receive outside of that are simply overflow.

Marriage can’t give you purpose.